One LONG but hilarious story

This is Earl's story, as only Earl can tell a story, of the birth of his daughter, Katelynn Joy Pelton. It is rather long but thoroughly enjoyable.
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Warning: the story below is based on facts. Names and reference have not been changed to protect the innocent, therefore, take diligent heed to the fact that the story is intended as humor and history. ---- Earl



Having been an eye witness of the things which belong to the story of Katelynn Joy, I write unto you with all boldness. Forthwith I shall tell you the story.





On Sunday about 2 pm I came upstairs from lunch to find Missy in some distress. After conversing with her I attempted to have her call the doctor. This failed. Forthwith I did compromise. Verily I didst dial Missy's mom. Mom Saith, thus saith the boss, "Thou shall call thy doctor as thou hast calledest myself." Therefore we did call and they say, "Come unto me, all ye that labor." Where upon I didst make haste and called the chief deacon, one JC Hill, of clay street.



Forthwith we drove strenuously to the hospital. There the staff did greet us saying, "Thou shalt make haste to the monitor." Whereupon it was concluded that she was NOT in labor. Nevertheless, they wished to run certain tests. Whereupon I did call the chief deacon and he sayest that I ought to stay and they would "make do" (verily they did). Being thus relieved of my duties, I began to inquire as to the monitor, hereupon I did discover that Missy's blood pressure was much high. This caused no little stress to, one, Judy, a nurse of labor and delivery. Therefore didst she call one, Dr Paterno of ABC women's care. Therefore he sayest, "Behold I come quickly." One, Judy, having entered in the second time, noted certain conditions and being much astonished made all haste and called one, Dr Paterno, of ABC women's care saying, "Come, thou, for fears encompass me."



Forthwith didst one, Dr Paterno, appear wearing jeans and tennis shoes. Therefore did he consider what to do. He saith, This is pre-Eclampsia! Yeah, verily, it is Eclampsia! Therefore thou needst to be healed by having the baby. But thou art not in labor and and not close, therefore I exhort thou to have a C section." Therefore Missy saith unto him, "Yea and Amen."
Therefore the Dr didst leave the room.





One baby at this time being discontent with the monitor didst swim away from it. This thing caused greater stress to one Judy, of LD. One Dr Paterno, entering in again, clad in blue and hair net, saith unto her, "There is risk; maybe blood transfusion. Please sign these 7000 documents." With all haste she didst sign. Whereupon I was granted a blue gown, bright and clean, complete with footies and a mask (I still got the mask). They say unto me, "Stay thou here and when we have a more convenient season we will call for you." Where upon they didst wheel Missy forth and ministered certain drugs to her which made her happy. Meanwhile back at the room, I did dress in my new garments, and drew the phone. 1) Missy's mom answered, 2 ) my mom, no answer. 3) Marsena -I hung up on her ringing for they saith unto me, "Come follow me." Whereupon I left the phone and followed.



They had already started to cut on Missy. Nevertheless she was awake and wondering why they had not started, but verily they had started. I held her hand and talked to her. Shortly, It being now 6:43PM they saith unto me, "Stand thou and see". And behold she brought forth one named Katelynn Joy Pelton, a pink hairy baby (See pics). She opened her mouth wide saying, "WAA, WAA, WAA." Therefore was the doctor much pleased and forth with her chain fell off, (they cut her cord). Therefore they say unto me, "Follow me and I will show to thee the nursery."
Upon entering the nursery I met one Dr Bhat, of the family doctor kind, which saith unto me, "congratulations!" Wherefore one KJP under went an examination. I was allowed to return to my former state of attire, consisting of, 1) wing tips, 2) suit pants, 3) a white shirt. (I had already shed my suit coat and tie).



Missy finished surgery and was placed in a recovery room (which was in ICU for all the others were then full.) Therefore continued I in the nursery, where soon, one, Andie, a nurse of the night nursery kind, took over the nursery, it now begin 7 pm. Being examined KJP was found to have 6 lb 5 oz of mass ( according to earths gravity) and 20 ½ inches in length. Her eyes being closed tight and sometimes protesting, she was placed under a heated thing. Wherefore didst Andie ask me, "Wouldst thou likest to hold her." Where upon I saith unto her, "I darest not to hold babies until they be two." Wherefore didst she laugh me to scorn and caused me to hold the baby with haste. After a time I went back to our room and began making phone calls. Our people being zealous of the faith were in devout worship therefore I could only raise one irreligious of Saxonburg (Marsena had her cell phone on ) and one new Grandma of Miltonvale, Kansas, who had her cell phone, vibrating, in church. Wherefore I say unto Marsena, "Thou art an aunt! Therefore make thou all speed unto Armstrong Memorial Hospital, so that thou mayest be with me. She saith, "I am coming as a bum with a bag." Having at that present time nothing pressing to do I inquired as to the whereabouts of one new mother, Missy by name. Wherefore the nurse at the desk did with all sternness rebuke me saying, "Thou cannot go and see her until they call for thee." Therefore I was somewhat distressed, and wondered what to do. Wherefore I continued with the baby, as she got fingerprinted and a bath. After again being thwarted in my attempts to raise awareness of the situation I settled in to hold the baby. Shortly, about an half hour, one, Marsena of Saxonburg showed up. Whereupon we began the taking of many pictures. After several rebukes and debates with nurses they finally surrendered to me, one, Missy, about 9:30. Whereupon the baby was fed and all was well. Almost! For Missy must needs stay in the labor and delivery room for 24 hours due to certain IV s and a low blood count. About 9 pm I had reached my parents, one new grandma of Ashville, New York. Wherefore after much encouragement they were moved upon to join the party. Which thing they did after a drive through a blizzard! They arrived about 1AM and left to Hotel Pelton of Templeton. They came back in the morning.



Since then the baby has been introduced to a host of friends; at least 3 preachers, 4 teenage girls from our youth group, and a lot of others. The bishop of New Brunswick, one, J. A. Treese, blessed the baby saying a prayer. It is now Tuesday night and all our guests are gone. It is just Earl, Missy, and Katelynn. And they lived happily ever after!